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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2005.08.15  12.10
Darker waters

The blue-green water canal in the antechamber beckoned him and he found it impossible to resist.
He stripped out of his clothes, placing them neatly on the small stool beside the limestone tunnel.
On entering the naturally heated water he winced, but submerged himself completely, forcing his
body to habituate at speed. As the water entered his ears he shuddered at the almost sexual
penetration. Closing his eyes and with only his nose and mouth above the surface he began his
breathing alteration, focusing on the sledgehammer sounds of his heartbeat echoing in the water.
Slowly the beats dropped in frequency from two per second to one and a half, then one. He looked
inward, focusing his awareness at the navel, visualized a descent into black, his breathing slowed,
he counted the beats: one... two... three... Using his now well tuned sense of time he realized
his goal to be nearly complete - twelve beats per minute. Soon it would be time to enter
darker waters.

 
 


 
  2003.09.15  13.21


This basement is old. It smells of moss, wet mold, growing things. There is that
old book tang, metallic hintings hanging in the air. One solitary exposed lightbulb
hangs by a short length of twine from the ceiling, swaying slightly. Little light
filters in through the high, short windows, dirt encrusted outside, dust filmed in.
Jars filled with indeterminable contents line the walls on raw wood shelves, row upon
row, several items deep. Behind the shelves exposed brick walls support a wood beam
ceiling, which intermittently releases streams of dust. The motes collect on the
unfinished concrete floor and waft as the air sweeps through.

Thunder growls outside in the distance, the windows and walls shudder as the beast
passes over. Corner shadows crawl over contours as the bare bulb sways with the
vibrations from outside. The shades scatter like sentient things with the flash of
light through the corrupted windows. Before the gloom returns a train of ants are
visible wending their way over the broken concrete wasteland toward a low break in
the wall. They march stoically, seemingly without comprehension of the decomposing,
broken nailed human claw still, yet reaching toward that opening. A flash of light
exposes a partially skeletal visage stretched in a soundless scream which echoes in
the thunder.
______________________________________________________________________________________

This bedroom is new. It smells of lavender, oak, growing thing. There is that new
spring taste, a crispness in the air. One solitary window summons sunshine into the
room, shafts spread like arms before an embrace. The illumination touches off a glow
from the light wood floor giving a palpable sense of warmth. Books filled with ancient
knowledge line the walls in darkly wooden bookshelves, row upon row, a testament to
the passion for knowledge. A ladder stands off to the side enabling its users to access
to knowledge previously unattainable. An easel stands in the corner, it’s contents a
vivid depiction of life’s passions, complimentary colours writhing across the canvas.
Two antique chairs, Victorian style with deep green velvet upholstering, face each other
across a cherry coffee table. Vivid red roses stand proudly on that table thrusting their
virile colour into the room.

Songbirds can be heard outside, their vocalizations a herald to the sun. From outside,
through that solitary window drifts motes of pollen, searching for their counterparts to
impregnate. Nearly in the middle of the room stands a massive bed with four tall posts
obscured by sheer white fabric. Through the silk can be seen two silhouetted figures moving
slowly together as one. A sweet breeze flows from the window rustling the silk covering
the bed, creating a sigh echoed by the figures within.

 
 


 
  2003.08.26  01.09


What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, prowling out of the freeway! It is Macleod, hands clutching a jeweled meat hammer! She screams ominously:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I tear into the enemy with reckless abandon!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys



 
 


 
  2003.08.05  17.14
Best. Commentary. Ever.

http://www.takingitglobal.org/discuss/printthread.php?threadid=2851 <http://64.4.14.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=en&lah=250e07d5344e176281>



Mood: mischievous
 
 


 
  2003.07.11  22.15
I'm like a religious colossus...

Discussions like these never cease to amuse me.

jenn_p94: buddist eh??
Mac: Sure...works for me
jenn_p94: nah
Mac: no?
jenn_p94: hell no
jenn_p94: not for me...crazy shit
Mac: heh...well, better than most of the guilt ridden mind control that's out there...
jenn_p94: nah!!!!
jenn_p94: its all bullshit exept for christianity
Mac: Oh yeah? Jesus who brings the sword and the flame? Not the most peaceful of religions...
jenn_p94: its the the only religion worth knowing or being involved in.....
jenn_p94: only one God
Mac: One god who will blast your family and take your livelyhood on a whim (book of Job)
jenn_p94: he is the only one that can save me
Mac: Any god that creates free choice then a hell to torture people in afterwords is not worth knowing
jenn_p94: he did a lot for me
Mac: what do you need to be saved for? Save yourself. Give yourself more credit than that
jenn_p94: no other god has done shit for me
Mac: You can't do it yourself?
Mac: Why do you need to rely on some unearthly power to get shit done
jenn_p94: i didnt say i rely on it
jenn_p94: i dont think anyone i know relys on it totally
Mac: That's the problem with Christians...they thank god for all their bonuses, curse satan for all the bad stuff and never take responsibility for their own actions
jenn_p94: i dont blame satan for shit
jenn_p94: i blame myself for the shit in mylife but if i ask God for help and he answers my prayer than of course i'm goin to thank him
Mac: so god is like a magic vending machine? have a problem, pop in one prayer and all your problems are gone?
jenn_p94: no not always
jenn_p94: doesnt work that way
jenn_p94: how does buddism work anyway??
Mac: not always? so some of the time then?
jenn_p94: dont know that much about it
Mac: Buddhism is about balance...not being averse to things and not desiring things...
jenn_p94: only know they worship rocks of some kind that are in the shapes of ppl or gods
jenn_p94: thats not wat i heard
jenn_p94: i should read up on it myself
Mac: no, that's local culture that keep their pagan roots
Mac: like christians and easter bunnies and xmas trees
jenn_p94: lol christmas trees and easter bunnies
jenn_p94: wat the hell r u smokin
jenn_p94: lol
jenn_p94: does that gotta do with christianity
jenn_p94: ??
jenn_p94: i didnt know that
jenn_p94: i thought everyone did that
Mac: What do you mean? Those are christian holidays...they come with the holiday
jenn_p94: exept for muslims
Mac: no...of course not
Mac: xmas is purely christian
jenn_p94: well i know atheists that celibrate those holidays and they dont believe in any religion
jenn_p94: so wat the heck....this is all bs
jenn_p94: so u dont celebrate anything or wat
jenn_p94: ??
jenn_p94: i''m curious now
Mac: the christmas tree comes from the norse pagan yule log which was ceremonially burned...christians kept the tradition and put their own spin on it to make it theirs
Mac: I don't have any holidays as such, no
jenn_p94: how boring......
jenn_p94: so wat do u do then
Mac: Maybe...but we don't have the hangups other religions have
Mac: it's all about do what feels good for you so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else
jenn_p94: i dont consider buddism a religion.....its a cult
Mac: cult implies one leader who controls the mind of the masses...that fits with christianity more
jenn_p94: no way
Mac: Buddhism has no leader...no control over it's people...no sexual abuse of children
jenn_p94: i dont believe that at all
Mac: No? So the whole thing about sex being dirty and whatnot...you like that?
Mac: Doesn't that make it hard to live life...when what is a natural function is turned on it's head and made a sin?
jenn_p94: sex is wonderful..........when the person is ready and willing and of age
Mac: Sure, but that's an individual choice...not a function of religion
jenn_p94: wat does sex gotta do with ur cult??
jenn_p94: sex is fine in my religion
jenn_p94: or my beliefs i should say
jenn_p94: i dont understand wat ur getting at
Mac: Well, there...yeah. So you're making your own religion out of christianity then...because the christianity I know says that sex outside of wedlock is a sin and you're going to hell
jenn_p94: doesnt mean that ur goin to hell
jenn_p94: says in the ten commandments ya its a sin
Mac: No? Then what's the whole thing about being saved
jenn_p94: but its best to be married ya
Mac: You're changing it all around
Mac: Are you christian or not?
jenn_p94: i'm baptist
jenn_p94: ya
Mac: You can't have some parts and leave others?
jenn_p94: no i believe them all but none of us are perfect either
jenn_p94: so we all are sinners
jenn_p94: thats why we ask God to forgive us
jenn_p94: but we cant be hipocrits either
Mac: Why would he need to forgive us? He created us this way. It's his responsibility
jenn_p94: i dont go out and get drunk one nite and then sit in church the following morning either
Mac: *we* should be forgiving him
jenn_p94: no it all goes back to adam and eve
jenn_p94: we sinned so there for we needed to be punished and they were punished
Mac: Adam and Eve. The bible can't even get that right. In the first page there are two totally contradictory stories of creation.
Mac: One, Eve and Adam were created at the same time, next thing you know, Eve comes from his rib
Mac: Totally on the same page. How can you take something seriously when they can't keep the story straight
jenn_p94: no they werent created at the same time
jenn_p94: adam was created first
Mac: Says so in the bible
jenn_p94: maybe u should read it again
jenn_p94: unless u got a different bible then me
jenn_p94: adam was created......then eve was.....
Mac: That's only after god created them both does it go on to say that...two different stories
Mac: 27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
Mac: THEN later...waaaay later. The authors of the bible have god creating them one after another.
Mac: 2 stories, two seperate methods of creation

...and then she was gone.

It's amazing how they never like to find out the heathens are better educated about their religious literature than they are...



Mood: amused
 
 


 
  2003.05.22  23.06
Got new webcam today...

Here are the results. It's a Logitech ClickSmart 420 bought on staff discount from my work. Not the highest quality, essentially a fancy assed webcam that I can take with me to snap photos with. Won't replace my SLR but should be fun for messing about with.





Mood: cheerful
 
 


 
  2003.05.06  03.04
Update? Nooooo, couldn't be.

Well, it's been, like forever since I updated and the shit that has gone on is numberous in the extreme. Here's the lazy version.

1. Mom out of hospital. Has primary biliary cirrhosis of the liver. Which sucks. Rare and docs don't know how to treat right now. Waiting on tests to return from Calgary AB for more info.

2. Asked to return to the telecom industry for nearly 20 beans an hour so it looks like I won't be hawking Canucks tickets anymore. What a shame.

3. Returned to Judo and still feel like I'm going to die at any moment as I'm still sore from my first practice even though it was 4 days ago. Black belt, here I come.

That's the reasonably major stuff and it's a sunny day so I think I'll go outside instead of writing more details right now...



Mood: cheerful
 
 


 
  2003.04.04  09.42


So my remaining parental unit is in the hospital with undetermined medical problems. She's been sick now for nearly two weeks and today things have progressed to the point where her sister felt it necessary to get her admitted to hospital. Playoff season is upon us and the job I took very recently is severely understaffed. No time off shall be taken under any circumstances is the message we're receiving.

My thoughts are so fragmented at this point...they flicker between the basic truth regarding the impermanence of all things to wondering who is going to take care of her dogs and how do I go about selling houses if things really go south. I think my body is trying to defy my even thinking about these things as I have crashed so hard it's all I can do to stay awake to ty[e this at 4:30 in the afternoon.

Maybe I'll have something more effective to say after I get some sleep.

UPDATE: When my father started his illness it took the form of backpain that could not be relieved. When it got bad enough to make him go to the doctor (and that's saying something) the doc told him disinterestedly that he may have pulled the lining in his lung while doing some household chores and just to get some rest and it will go away. Less than one year later my father was diagnosed with full blown lung cancer that was in the process of spreading to his stomach and other places. To say I don't like this man is an understatement that knows no bounds.

So...here we are 7 or so years later and my aunt now tells me that my mother has a duodenal ulcer that this fucker knew about over a year ago and never bothered to mention to her. There are other health complications from that and the gall bladder surgery she had a year ago that are causing her current problems. Looks like she will survive it but I don't think the doctor will. I'm looking into the legal ramifications of malpractice in Canada. If I don't find satisfaction there I will be taking a trip back to Kamloops and I'll let your imagination fill in the rest.

That is all.



Mood: DISPLEASED
 
 


 
  2003.03.28  12.37
I'm ready...I think

So I got hit on during my bus ride home. STRANGE experience for me. It's so rare a thing to happen with the withdrawn attitude Vancouverites seem to take all the time. That coupled with my carefully cultivated air of aloofness I learned at an early age to exude out of self defense no one ever approaches me cold. I've been told many times by friends that upon first meeting me they thought I was snotty or snobbish - but then I think most people who are shy hear that. It's a constant source of amazement that I'm in sales...and moreso that I'm good at it.

So this girl just starts talking to me. I don't know how she did it but she managed to work into the conversation that she was taking kinesthesiology at SFU. So being ballsy/confident and smart wins points with me...but she then proceeded to downplay the school thing...telling me how much she slacks off and skips school and whatnot. I don't know if it was an engineered speech and what its purpose would be I'm not sure but it completely nullified any possible attraction I might have had for her. I played along, however...perhaps that was mean, leading her on, but I was at a loss on how to rebuff her without hurting her feelings. I know that rejection kicks my ass which is why I don't put myself out on a line basically ever. Plus, I need the practice.

Single for 6 months. Almost a year if you don't count the 3 week relationship I had in and around September...I don't really. Being laid off has killed any self confidence I had. What a strange combination strong self image and no self confidence. Wierd. Anyhow, I've been employed again for almost 6 weeks and I guess I'm ready so start seeing people again. The hard part is the how and the when. This city is a killer for trying to meet people. If you don't have a bunch of friends who know other single people you're screwed. I'll have to come up with something. I'm planning to visit the Buddhist temple that's near me to see what that's like...maybe I'll meet people there with similar interests. Otherwise I'm going to have to start wearing a sign that reads 'single and desperate'. That should attract some real winners. Is it too much to ask to meet people (not just for romatic purposes) who are respectful, non judgemental, intelligent, caring and at least a little emotionally stable? I think I have my sights set too high. I'll settle for people who strive for these qualities...it's the path that's important, not the destination anyhow.

So go ahead, enter heroine, stage left.

I'm ready...I think.



Mood: contemplative
 
 


 
  2003.03.26  13.26
This really is highly amusing

MacLeod
is a
Jelly-Eating Pirate Monkey


...with a Battle Rating of 5.7



To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can
defeat MacLeod, enter your name:



 
 


 
  2003.03.09  20.58
First post in a while - something different

Our society is suffering with a lack of persistent myth. It is these myths that create cohesion within cultures - a sense of a clear horizon by which its people, and particularly its youth, can navigate their lives. The effects of persistent myth can be seen to be misused and overfocused in the misfortune of pre WWII Germany. The effects of a lack of persistent myth in a culture can be seen in today's inner city gangs where they must create their own myth figures, the best example of this is Tupac Shakur who has taken on a nearly Christ-like persona.

The nearest things western society has to persistent myth in present day are the big budget modern movies. The two most prominent of these movies are 'Star Wars' and 'The Matrix'. These movies have resonated with mythological energies and have had a huge impact on our culture already - the Star Wars characters being immediately identifiable by nearly everyone in North America and The Matrix has been copied and lampooned endlessly since it's release in 1999. Today's new myths will have a technological edge to them as modern science has permeated our consciousness so deeply.

Another modern techno-myth released in the past 20 years was 'Tron'. This story is similar to 'The Matrix' in that there is a saviour figure who almost single-handedly saves the world from technology gone out of control. Both heroes must learn new skills and master their environment before they can emerge triumphant and win the heart of the woman he loves.

The question is, what makes 'The Matrix' resonate so much more strongly in our society today that 'Tron' did at its time. Granted, 'The Matrix' dealt with more philosophical issues such as the existential question about the nature of reality among others, but is that all that makes it a more effective movie? Is Tron somehow fundamentally flawed in its mythology? If these questions can be answered perhaps the next attempt at modern myth creation can be even more successful.



Mood: contemplative
 
 


 
  2003.02.25  19.04
Is there a connection between Michael Jackson and Jesus?



Next thing we hear Jesus will be holding a baby off a balcony. I wonder how many he invited into his bed when he was alive? At least the priests are keeping up the traditions.



Mood: uncomfortable
 
 


 
  2003.02.18  18.57


New job
New picture

Sooo tired.

 
 


 
  2003.02.05  20.55


American media portraying polyamory in a positive light? Good lord.
See Star Trek: Enterprise airtime Wednesday, February 5th for details.



Mood: surprised
 
 


 
  2003.02.02  03.10
End of an era

Well, the nightclub scene will never be the same in Vancouver again. The best club in town with the most progressive music, Luvaffair, has now closed its doors. Their final night was a huge success with record crowds and past DJs showing up to spin some tunes and relive old memories. An environment without the meat market atmosphere, Luvaffair was a one in a million place with Goths, Mods and the regular joe all rubbing shoulders without anyone giving a shit about style differences. Vancouver's best nightlife will be sorely missed.

Off to pass out now and hope that the smell of dry ice smoke will be gone by morning.



Mood: nostalgic
 
 


 
  2003.02.01  14.29






Mood: sad
 
 


 
  2003.02.01  01.55


I'm an apparently intelligent, liberal, tight as fuck, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

 
 


 
  2003.01.30  17.01
Further to the last post

For those who are interested, the table plan for my wedding is as follows. Please note that though officiating at the wedding, the frog had another engagement and could not stay for the reception and therefore is not listed.

table seatings

 
 


 
  2003.01.30  12.01


woodchuck
YOU ARE MARRIED TO A WoODCHUCK!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla


Er, yes indeed!



Mood: amused
 
 


 
  2003.01.27  12.01


If the U.S. were to put out a press release regarding happenings in Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers it would look something like this:



ISENGARD, Middle Earth (MNN) A horde of stone wielding terrorists
rocked the tower of Isengard early Sunday evening, killing 2,500 and
injuring hundreds more.


The attack came around 5:30 p.m. (11:30 p.m. Shire Time) -- just bef-
ore the Orcish Labor Union was about to switch shifts. The terrorist
party entered Isengard from the direction of Fangorn forest. Brave
workers attempted to hold them off until reinforcements could arrive
but the cowardly terrorists destroyed the dam, built so lovingly by
the workers at Isengard, and few survived the resulting flood.

Sarumon holds press conference

Yesterday, in a press conference held by Sarumon MNN learned that the
reason for the Entish attack was timing.

"Our forces were pursuing military exercises in Helm's Deep when this
cowardly attack occurred. It was an attack of cowardice, nothing more.
Make no mistake, this terrorist plot will not go unanswered. Our goal
is to stop the brutal terror, to achieve calm and quiet. Only when the
brutal terror is stopped -- only then will we be able to talk peace."



 
 


 
  2003.01.25  16.54
I can't believe this has happened in Canada

When the White jesuits came to Japan in the 16th century they found the perfect victims for their abuse. They found a religion which did not compulse its followers into its beliefs and which expounded no hatreds of other races or religions. This was an open door for Christianity which employs guilt and an idea of moral superiority to bind its followers into a lifelong contract, defaulting on that contract results in an eternity of suffering. The expulsion of the missionaries and converts from the islands of Japan in the late 1600s and the resulting closing of the borders was a stroke of pure genius on the part of Hideyoshi. He expelled all missionaries and ordered the samurai to kill any who would not leave of their own accord. Thousands were killed. Unfortunately, he did not go far enough. A plan was never put in place to educate nationals against the brainwashing habits of the Christians and Japanese xenophobia ruled the day. This had a direct impact on Japan's unfortunate choice to participate in WWII.

Today, China has a similar problem and is going about solving it in a similarily sloppy way as the Japanese did hundreds of years ago. Border patrol is heightened and the Christian missionaries who sneak in are expelled or jailed. Anyone who understands religion knows that to make a faith forbidden or secret instills it with an alure, a mystique which obtains a life of its own.

This is a problem currently facing a close friend of mine. Living in a predominantly white Catholic neighbourhood, her children are being exposed to concepts like heaven and hell, being told by teachers that they must celebrate Christmas and receiving messges from other children that if they are not baptized that they will burn in hell. With messages like these assaulting them, most children would believe simply out of fear that what these people might be saying is true...which is how the missionaries bullied so many uneducated into converting. Christianity has no message of love, only guilt and fear. I have offered to join my friend and her kids in going to the temple across town to give them a spiritual centre...some identity to hold onto while being assaulted by Christian forces.

Below is an obscene example of how Christianity can warp the minds of people whose prime religion has been one of peace and equanimity for thousands of years. I wish I could convey my sympathies and offer any support I could to these girls.

http://www.canada.com/vancouver/story.asp?id={90BD1200-F0C9-4933-9C9A-B659649B16DF}



Mood: aggravated
 
 


 
  2003.01.24  17.10
Age

The whitening of my hair continues apace. My current estimate shows that my temples should be completely white within a years time. On a more positive note, I'm getting very good at using tweezers.

We are not amused.



Mood: annoyed
 
 


 
  2003.01.22  14.24


OHMYGOD I love this quiz. Normally I find them marginally irritating but this one just tickles me.

I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?


Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons






Mood: pleased
 
 


 
  2003.01.19  14.59


From the weblog of Siva Vaidhyanathan, assistant professor of Culture and Communication at New York University.


In case you needed a refresher on how to dodge the draft, see how our president did it:
Washingtonpost.com: At Height of Vietnam, Bush Picks Guard.






Mood: amused
 
 


 
  2003.01.15  20.34


In the middle ages and even more recently in Salem, Christians used to persecute people accused of witchcraft by arresting them and making them undergo a trial. That trial was to throw the accused into a large body of water. If the accused floated, he or she was a witch and was then summarily burned at the stake. If the accused sank and drowned, he or she was innocent. Flash forward to present day:

RUMSFELD: WHAT'S IRAQ HIDING?
The failure to find weapons of mass destruction "could be evidence, in and of itself, of Iraq's noncooperation," U.S. defense secretary says.


Gotta love history repeating itself.



Mood: aggravated
 
 


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